If you’re like me, you tend to trust your emotions to guide you. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. If you feel angry at someone, they’ve done something wrong. If you feel guilty, you’ve done something wrong. What if I told you we shouldn’t trust our feelings quite so easily? What if the emotions that can be such fantastic guides (“I knew something was off with him!”) have also fed you some of the worst lies of your life?
If you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll find Kirsten A. Lindquist, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, more convincing. Here’s how she explains it.
The Evolution of Emotions
“Powerful emotions feel like irrefutable facts. They wash over us, take over our bodies, and change our perceptions… Your emotional experiences feel like they are the truth of the world around you, when in reality [they] serve as a lens for interpreting the world around you.” (1)
Sometimes that interpretation is accurate – and sometimes it isn’t. And while issues like trauma, toxic relationships, and even wishful thinking might be to blame, the problem has another, less obvious source: evolution.
Our brains have evolved to protect us from predators, natural disasters, and starvation. They use mental shortcuts known as “heuristics” to keep us alive and safe. These little tricks take place behind the scenes, at lightning speed, and we tend to act on them without a shred of awareness. They’re also called cognitive biases because the brain prioritizes safety over a balanced perspective.
We’re wired to survive, not thrive. Accuracy is not at the top of your brain’s to-do list; neither is keeping you happy and fulfilled.
How Cognitive Biases Can Lead Us Astray
Conserving mental resources is no small thing. Scrutinizing every interaction and analyzing minor decisions would be mentally and physically exhausting. The brain already uses about 20% of our available energy; without our shortcuts, how would our hearts find the energy to keep beating?
While those brain hacks let us live to see another day (or feel safe enough to function in the world), their inherent bias is limiting. To understand the problems they can cause, let’s look at three common brain heuristics: the confirmation bias, the halo effect, and the negativity bias. All three have their uses, and all three can lead us astray.
Stability Over Accuracy
When confirmation bias takes over, we look for information to confirm what we already believe and gloss over anything that suggests it might be time to change our minds. While it has its place, it can get us stuck in beliefs that aren’t true and don’t work for us.
If you believe people can’t be trusted, the confirmation bias will lead you to ignore the good things they do. And when someone genuinely wants to help, you’ll assume they’re up to something – even when you have no idea what that might be.
If you feel insecure, you’ll remember your failures and how people disagreed with or treated you badly. You’ll forget your successes, most of the compliments you’ve received, and anything else that might make you feel good about yourself.
Confirmation bias can lead us to hold onto beliefs that no longer serve us. When we trust those lies, we suffer.
Racism, Sexism, and the Narcissist Charm
The halo effect has helped keep us safe for ages. It’s also at the core of racism, sexism, and every other “ism” imaginable. Think of the days when someone from a different tribe was a threat. The halo effect convinced us that different equals dangerous.
When we’re under its spell, we may assume that someone who seems to share some of our values shares them all – and be shocked when we discover we were wrong. That’s why it can be so easy to fall for a charming narcissist. It also allows us to ignore someone’s well-considered opinion because they aren’t as educated as we are – that high-school dropout who’s cutting back on sugar is just following the latest internet fad. And it can push us to trust other people’s judgment over our own.
For example, you might decide to follow your best friend’s parenting advice, even though it doesn’t make sense to you. After all, she has three teenagers on the honor roll, and you have a single 10-year-old who struggles with math. She should know how to raise a well-adjusted kid.
Until you see the truth, that narcissist feels like your soulmate. The high-school dropout seems ignorant. And your best friend seems more like a parenting expert than a mom with bright kids and money to spend on private tutors. Those lies feel so true!
It’s All Bad
Negative bias is the name for our natural tendency to pay more attention to negative info than positive. If our ancestors hadn’t paid enough attention to predators and food shortages, we wouldn’t be here.
When we’re under the influence of negativity, risks, and threats can take on a life of our own. We can become afraid to ask for what we want, make new friends, or even end a toxic relationship. We can dwell on past mistakes, forgetting the part they played in our successes. Furthermore, we may assume the worst of others, making it hard to trust good people or work on a team. And once we’ve lost confidence in ourselves, we may give up at the first sign of trouble – or refuse to even try.
Too much negativity can keep us stuck in fear, focused on what we think is wrong rather than how to make things right. When we make decisions based on our anxieties, the results may even “prove” that we were right to be afraid.
In the Blink of an Eye
According to Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking, Fast and Slow (2), we have two ways of thinking. He says we identify with the conscious, reasoning self – the part of us responsible for slow thinking. We see ourselves as rational beings, with this part of us running the show. The fast-thinking part is just there for support when we need to do something on autopilot or make minor decisions like what to have on our pizza.
That’s what we tell ourselves… but according to Kahneman, nothing could be further from the truth.
He describes the rational part of us, which he calls “System 2”, as “the supporting character who believes herself to be the hero”. That’s because System 2 (the conscious, reasoning self) decides what to think and do based on the impressions and feelings provided by something he calls “System 1”. This part of us works without conscious direction – and at lightning speed.
Our Unconscious Mind
Most of what we think and do starts in System 1; System 2 only takes over when things get tough. System 2 is in charge of self-control, so it usually has the last word. (That’s probably why we identify with it – that and the fact that we like to see ourselves as rational and in control.)
The interesting part of all this is that System 1 is constantly creating stories about the world around us. But its primary goal seems to be coherence; the stories must make sense. We don’t have the resources to check accuracy; that’s a job for System 2. However, according to Kahneman, System 2 only gets involved when something surprises us. That happens when we notice something that violates our model of the world.
To put it another way, System 1 doesn’t let the truth get in the way of a good story. Only System 2 can do that, and most of the time it doesn’t. Kahneman puts it simply: (2)
“…we can be blind to the obvious and blind to our blindness” – Daniel Kahneman”
In other words, our unconscious mind sees to it that lies feel like the truth – and most of the time, we don’t even notice.
Outsmarting Your Brain
It sounds hopeless, doesn’t it? If we’re blind to our blindness, we haven’t got a chance!
That’s why awareness is so important. We all have mental biases, even though most of us think we’re immune to them (yes, that’s a bias of its own). Trust me on this: If you have the energy to get through the day, your brain is taking shortcuts that bias your opinions and decisions.
One of the best ways to deal with this is to learn about the most common ones. Do an internet search or pick up a book on the topic. (At 500 pages, Thinking, Fast and Slow is one of the most comprehensive books around. How Our Brains Betray Us is a simpler and quicker read.) Choose a bias and contemplate how it might apply to you; then pay attention to situations where it might be leading you astray.
Look after yourself!
Another good way to nip those biases in the bud is by looking after yourself. When you’re tired, stressed, or in desperate need of some food, your brain is extra careful with its resources. Critical thinking is one of the first things to go.
These are great ways to prevent problems. But once you’re in the thick of it, it’s too late for prevention. When it’s time to make an important decision, here are three ways to minimize the effects of an inherently lazy brain:
- Take your time. Even if your decision feels right, be open to the possibility of a better option.
- Search for new information. If you’re ready to trust someone you just met, ask around. Who else knows this person? Are they as impressed as you are? Why or why not? If you’re considering acting on something you’ve seen in the media, think it through. Ask yourself where the info comes from. Might there be an agenda? Look for opposing views and alternative explanations to give you a more balanced perspective. If someone’s pulling your heartstrings, get some distance before you decide. Triggering painful emotions is a common manipulation tactic, so make sure you understand what’s happening, both in the situation and within yourself, before you commit.
- Think ahead. Short-term focus creates long-term problems. Giving in to pressure might make you feel better now, but what happens later? We often make bad decisions when we’re feeling guilty or fearful. Don’t agree to something you don’t feel good about (or apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong) just to end an argument. You’ll pay the price later.
If you have a human brain, you’re vulnerable to its biases. You can’t avoid them, but you can learn to manage their effects on your life. While we’re not as rational as we’d like to be, we can all learn to see the truth more clearly.
