A workplace romance can add a lot of stress to your life. Not just pleasure. We all know that stress can place our health and mental wellness at risk. If you are considering a workplace romance or are in one, this post may help you ensure your approach is healthy and has longevity.
Why are we sexually attracted to our boss or figures of authority?
Having a crush on one of your colleagues is much more common than you may think. But if you find yourself falling for someone at work, it’s no secret that things can become messy in a hurry.
It begs the question, what is the best way to navigate workplace romances?
To answer this, Lovehoney has asked the sex expert at The Sex Consultant Ness Cooper to explain why we can often be sexually attracted to our bosses or figures of authority and how to navigate workplace romances.
Why an office romance?
Those who have a particular attachment style may find satisfaction from workplace romances, particularly with work colleagues who they look up to or who are in a higher position.
Those who have an anxious attachment style may find workplace romances boost their self-esteem when dating someone who is high up in their job. This could also lead them to not only have an ego-boosting effect on their personality, but can increase their motivation to achieve more in their own role.
What is your attachment style?
Individuals who have an avoidance attachment style may find that whilst they traditionally avoid workplace interactions when they do engage in a romantic one within the workplace, they form a deep connection with that person. Thus they may be more motivated to work harder in their career to express love toward the individual they’re dating.
If a workplace romance or attraction occurs that needs to be kept secret, some individuals may find the experience thrilling. This can make work more interesting for them.
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5 tips on navigating a romance in the workplace
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Establish what both parties desire
Do you want to have a long-term committed relationship or just something that lasts briefly? Is it all about the thrills and no emotional connection, or are you looking for someone you want to get to know further and more personal? Do you want your fellow work colleagues to know, or do you both want to keep the relationship secret?
Knowing the answers to some of these questions will help you not only navigate the relationship but will help you both work out whether or not you should continue it.
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Talk to HR and check your work policy about having an office romance
You may find that the company you work for has a policy for office romances, where certain behavior is acceptable or not. Some companies also have a clear no-dating policy.
Once you’ve both worked out what type of relationship you have, finding out if it’s ok in your workplace is important. Yes… sometimes office romances can lead to instance job terminations or tribunals, even when they are consensual.
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Keep personal relationship discussions at home
Even if they seem like positive conversations; keeping both positive and negative relationship talks for when you’re in private at home is important, so you don’t disrupt the work environment.
Arguments within the workplace aren’t the greatest of places to talk things through. They will often allow for space for you to stay within fight or flight mode for longer as you’re having to juggle workplace expectations and tasks too.
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Avoid flirting too much in front of other work colleagues
It can be hard to hide those natural attractions and feelings, but forcing work colleagues to witness flirtatious behavior not only puts them in an awkward position that they haven’t consented to. It has also been shown to reduce work satisfaction and enjoyment for colleagues.
There may be many reasons why colleagues may be uncomfortable witnessing fellow workmates flirting with each other. It can lead to these colleague connections not being as strong as before.
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If the relationship ends, keep things professional
Make sure you are both prepared for the fallout if things don’t work out. It is essential to understand that if you both have to continue to work together, you need to keep things professional.
If you can’t work together after a breakup, working out whether it’d be better to change jobs is important to avoid unnecessary work upset and conflict.
About the author
Ness Cooper is a Clinical Sexologist who works as a Sex and Relationship Coach at The Sex Consultant http://thesexconsultant.com. She has worked as a sex and relationship expert for over ten years and has a background in sex and relationship therapy, coaching, education, and pelvic floor biomechanics.
Ness believes that we need an integrated approach to helping individuals and couples gain authentic sexual well-being.
On top of helping people with their sex and relationship needs, she runs courses on Human Sexuality for other sexual well-being professionals.
