We’ve all heard the same thing, many times over: don’t go to bed angry. Usually, this is advice given to couples; especially newlyweds. And mostly, the reason behind not going to sleep whilst angry is in a bid to save your relationship. We know that anger activates your fight or flight response, which works to override your natural sleepiness when it’s time for bed. But is this really just about relationships? Does it matter whether you’re in a relationship at all? Or could there be more to it? Could going to bed angry be bad for your health no matter what your relationship status?
If you go to bed angry, your sleep will likely not be great
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Stress caused by anger can have quite a big impact on how well (or not) you sleep. In fact, any deep feeling can have an effect on how well you sleep during the night.
In particular, stress triggers a fight or flight response from the body. This makes the body physically alert. In general, this makes falling asleep and indeed staying asleep incredibly difficult for the body. And then, of course, disrupted sleep can cause anger in and of itself.
You’re more likely to wake up exhausted and irritable than refreshed when you go to bed stressed. It doesn’t seem to matter what the cause of the stress is. But certainly, anger tends to cause a stress response within the body.
It’s a never-ending and rather vicious cycle. Negative feelings and anger lead to bad sleep which, in turn, leads to more anger and negativity.
Anger tends to grow and doesn’t go away
Contrary to what you might think, sleeping on the matter will likely cause your feeling of anger to increase rather than decrease. In fact, some research suggests that we’re less able to suppress a negative experience after we sleep than before it. This is due to the fact that sleep magnifies any pent-up emotions, thoughts, or problems. During sleep, our brains process what happened during the day, processing new information and storing it in long-term memory.
Thus, that anger you’re feeling before bed becomes magnified when it’s stored in your long-term memory and can, thus, have a long-term effect on you. This can lead to an explosion of anger at a later date because of a lack of resolution.
Anger isn’t good for your health
Both anger and bad sleep quality can lead to poor health. Once again, it’s a catch 22 when it comes to that vicious cycle of anger and poor sleep. The overall quality of your sleep, scientists have found, definitely has an impact on your overall health.
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Typically, when you’re asleep, your body relaxes completely and experiences the time as “overnight therapy”. This time asleep tends to help to stabilize emotions and reduce stress. Overall, this helps us to cope with the day ahead and deal with whatever it may bring.
However, anger can really have a very negative impact on the process. Any negative emotions release stress hormones into the body. When stress hormones like cortisol are released, it makes you irritable and causes increased worry.
In the long term, if you can’t sort out the cycle, it can lead to insomnia, fitful sleep, and nightmares, and, in the worst case, depression and anxiety.
But should you go to bed angry if you can’t resolve it quickly?
In the case that it’s a major disagreement that cannot be resolved quickly, it can be beneficial to opt to go to sleep without resolving the issue. Major things like budget disagreements cannot be resolved quickly and require extended discussion.
Therefore, it would be most beneficial for the two parties involved to discuss the fact that this still needs to be discussed and to agree to do so at a later date rather than spending time that would be better spent asleep fighting. Other reasons to postpone your discussion until after you have slept include:
- Things can seem worse and more impossible to resolve at night, especially when you are exhausted
- If alcohol or drugs are involved; you aren’t thinking clearly if one or both of you are intoxicated. So, it’s best to wait until you are sober to
How to reduce stress and prevent getting angry before bed
If you want to work to reduce stress and prevent anger before bed, you can make use of the following tips from Dr. Dasgupta and Well and Good.
- Avoid talking about difficult topics before bed: There are some topics that are best avoided before bed.
Specifically, Dasgupta recommends avoiding topics like finances and family issues.
- Take some time out: If you’re feeling like you might be struggling with anger, and it’s heading towards bedtime, sometimes taking some time out might be the best idea. Whether you opt to listen to some music, a podcast, read or go for a walk, it gives your brain and body an outlet and a way to relax before anything escalates.
- Focus on breathing: This may sound obvious, but so often, we forget to take some time and breathe. Shifting your focus to your breathing and your body can allow your mind to slow down and ultimately, prevent anything spiraling out of control.
References
https://brightside.me/wonder-curiosities/5-things-that-can-happen-if-you-go-to-sleep-angry-798905/
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anger/is-going-to-bed-angry-bad-for-you/
